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NUNEATON EARTHQUAKE APPEAL





A major Earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours with its epicentre in Camp Hill.



Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Foooockinel, where's the buuuuuuzzzz".



The quake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.



Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca, the Costa Del Sol and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.



Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Mercia Sound reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Nuneaton .



One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."



Apparently burglaries, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.



The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Frosty Jack Cider to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.





HOW CAN YOU HELP?



This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:



· Fila or Burberry baseball caps

· Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

· Shell suits (female)

· White sport socks

· Rockport boots

· Any other items usually sold in New Look.



Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.



Required foodstuffs include:



· Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45

or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

· £2 buys chips, crisps and rola cola for a family of 9.

· £6 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.





**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.



'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.

"Stockingford" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?





Please don't forward this to anyone living in Nuneaton - oh, sod it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.

lol
very good

PMSL. truly truly great!

lmao, nice one Mr F

LMAO TOP STUFF john

PMSL

Haven't heard of the term "Rola Cola" for ages! :)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Fusion-Fabri..._homepage_panel

www.fusionfabs.co.uk



1/4mile in 13.2sec @ 111 terminal on 15psi

Sad aftermath of the UK quake.

http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/13/1204...sketchquake.jpg

smirk!

LOL

LOL Flan sounds like a average day round our work.

Lol @ the etehrsketch as well

Back once again like a renegade master

a different take:

A major earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit Grimsby in the early hours of February 27th 2008. The epicentre was Nunsthorpe. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order", "mental" and "that did my head in".
The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55
worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.
Three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken before their giros arrived. The local paper reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered. They are still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage was caused by something else instead of them.
One resident Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through the cardboard door into my bedroom crying. My hands were shaking so much that I could hardly shoot-up when I was watching Trisha the next morning". Another local resident known as Macca said the earthquake would not stop him going to work, after all, the T.W.O.C'ing, Burglaries and Graffiti would not do themselves.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers were still searching through rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Dukes, bone china from Poundstretcher and a number of Argos catalogues. However they were unable to save any furniture from Mad Harry's.

How can you help?

This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Most needed are Kappa or other tracksuits (his and hers), white socks to tuck the tracksuit bottoms into, Burberry caps, woolly Benny hats and Reebok trainers. Primark clothing is most welcome. Food parcels are also needed. They include Mcains Micro-Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, Nutella
chocolate spread and Iceland pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, mainly Lambrini, White Lightening cider and Carlsberg Special Brew.
Cash donations are also needed, 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on purposes, £1.50 buys cheese & chips and £26 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos.

t'at was bloody funny.

Medusa + injection = too much torque for the dyno ..https://youtu.be/qg5o0_tJxYM

that is quality!!!! its going straight to my m8 in treacle-town (they are a bit thick there, so they say lol)

nice one john

SKYLINES ARE LIKE CLITS, EVERY FLANGE SEEMS TO HAVE ONE: see this sticker on my silvia

the Search-section on this forum is blummin superb & simple to use, unlike some other forums, without the search-section & the help of this bunch of chaps on here i'll never be able to !!!Start the day with a 998cc turbo!!! :) i'm getting closer though!

Tom Fenton says: I have it all, make me an offer