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Philosophy for the Weekend
>"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed.
>Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards
>and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they
>might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
>myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come
>true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
>h*ll happened to your bra and panties.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
>morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
>~Frank Sinatra
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are
>tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny
>Youngman
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
>laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
>~ Stephen Wright
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When
we
>fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
>So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
>~ Benjamin Franklin
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
>retard.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
>beer. Oh, I grant you that the
>wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as
>well with pizza."
>~ Dave Barry
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
>over and over again that you love them.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a
can!
>~ Dave Howell
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically
>converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
>One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
>to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
>"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move
as
>fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
>slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural
>selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed
and
>health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
>weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
>as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
>know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
>weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
>eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
>efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
>beers."
>
>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
>whispering when you are not.
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