bath time
Turbo Mini Forums

Well my christmas cautionary tale this year appears to involve me trying to have a bath .


I had decided that , a good way to get warm would be a nice hot bath ,so i put on the emersion heater this morning , which coupled with the rayburn, creates water just this side of steam ,and ran the bath , which is a huge 3ft deep clawfoot monster of a thing ,with a overhanging side mixer tap thing.


all went well , until i tried to add cold water ,i opened the tap , and nothing came out . turned it on , and off a few times ...nuffin.

i am still clothed at this point .


i get a basin , and start ferrying very cold water from the sink , to the bath . i don't want to add too much because i am really wanting a hot bath , not a luke warm 3ft deep one .



after about 5 basins i think its cool enough , so i disrobe , and put my left foot in ,er nooo ,much too hot .

i continue with the basins of cold water , now shivering due to buck nakedness .

Two or three more basins , and i think that's it , so confidently i climb straight in over the 3.5ft high rolled edge ,,sit down and immediately get out again nope , still too hot , felt like i had just immersed 'myself' in pure Magma.


i continue with the basins , now shivering due to being, A ,naked,and B, wet ... i had my own personal cloud of steam , and looked like a spirit from the netherworld .



Finally i had it just bearable , and jumped in ,almost immediately going lobster red .it was still HOT .



started to wash and generally lather up ,and having a nice soak .

just as i had reached a pleasant soporific, contemplative stage , there was a gurgling from the cold tap , which i had left on and forgotten to turn off, i was confused since i thought it was off , and just put it down to the frozen pipe thawing a bit . , and it knocked a couple of times , i still lay there drifting away ,until , all of a sudden , a six inch lollipop of freezing cold ice shot out of the tap .


Now this overhanging tap is about halfway down the bath , so when i tell you this lethal missile shot into the water like a ww2 torpedo ,hit the bottom of the bath next to my thigh , and rebounding sideways , lodged itself with unerring accuracy between the bath bottom and my scrotum .


you know those old cold war videos of the polaris missile shooting out of the water from a submerged submarine ?



well , cross that with a startled pheasant , and you have a good picture of my body leaving the bath ,making a robert shaped hole in the space time continuum .


there may have been nuclear fission due to the neighboring molecules trying desperately to get out of the way .


Unfortunately , i had temporarily forgotten the 3.5 ft high roll topped bath edge , which, as my exit foot slipped out from under me , and my bathward foot did the same , made high velocity contact with my orbs d'amour .


As an exit strategy , this left much to be desired .




luckily , since said items had just had a v hot to v cold experience , for a short period of time they were numb , and had no idea of the pain they were about to endure .



realising this , i rushed to think of a way to keep them as cold as possible .. i realised if i opened the bedroom window , and draped my replication components on the edge , they would be in -6 c , and the ensuing painfest may be ameliorated ..


... it was the work of a moment to get a stool and stand in the window doing my last chicken in the shop impression , and breathing deeply , trying to find a meditative state .



Now the site of a man naked , with his slice and dice draped over a freezing window ledge , in a big window of a 1865 georgian house may seem a strange one to many .

However , it obviously was not surprising to the large grey Goshawk , who up till now i had considered a friend .


maybe the cold made him do it , and i'm sure his therapist would support that justification , however , suddenly finding 24 lbs of war bird swooping in and latching onto my pontoon of passion , was definitely not what i was expecting .


Picture this, big bird of prey trying to take off , feet clamped round the frozen love lolly , me grabbing his wing with one hand and my replication components with the other , and us both yelling/screaming/squawking at full voice , when , all of a sudden ..

the hot post girl turns up in the drive .



She literally fell out of the red post van , and lay there laughing so much she nearly threw up .




well


really.




so i write this from my cell in the local polices station , with about 3 yards of bandage wrapped round my very very sore pinkle , and hoping the indecency charges will be dropped ....and the stretching will stay .






regards
robert .

Medusa + injection = too much torque for the dyno ..https://youtu.be/qg5o0_tJxYM

Thank you Robert, a true cautionary tale. I needed a good laugh today, but I'm not sure how to explain my outburst of laughter to everyone in the office, because the retelling of such a story would surely put me on a short list for a visit to Broadmoor.

Edited by robert on 15th Dec, 2022.

Medusa + injection = too much torque for the dyno ..https://youtu.be/qg5o0_tJxYM

'Where does the engine go?'

A Christmas story to share with the family. Simply lovely!

Phil.

WWW.TURBO-MINI.COM

Thanks Phil

Medusa + injection = too much torque for the dyno ..https://youtu.be/qg5o0_tJxYM

Legend 😂

Outside the box

Bahahahaaaaaa! I've missed your stories Robert.

Hope you are well!

If something is worth doing, it's worth doing half of.

brilliant!!

Thanks John Rob , and Tim , much appreciated

Medusa + injection = too much torque for the dyno ..https://youtu.be/qg5o0_tJxYM

The work of a genius...

Dazed and Confused....

oh now !

Medusa + injection = too much torque for the dyno ..https://youtu.be/qg5o0_tJxYM